Struggling to see the purpose

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On Monday morning my childhood friend passed away.

We went to a small Catholic school through 8th grade and then to the same high school, although by 9th grade we ran in different circles. Even though shit happened between us that caused our friendship to end when we were kids, we were friendly in high school. After she heard that I'd gotten married in January she sent me a really nice message and we caught up a little. She seemed happy with her life and excited about her future. Her name was Niki.

Niki's death has sort of rocked my world. It's strange and uncomfortable to think that while I go about making my plans, hers have been cut short. She was six months younger than me.

Every time I think of her family I get choked up. I cannot imagine how I would feel if my brother or sister died. I don't even know how to fathom losing a child. I've never lost anyone close to me.

I am not sure if I'll attend her services. People are wearing pink, Niki's favorite color, to honor her memory. I don't know if I want my last memory of her to be her wake, her funeral, all the sadness and loss. I'd sort of rather remember our childhood sleepovers, the note-passing during class, and her big, bright smile.

1 Response on "Struggling to see the purpose"

  1. sd212 says:

    Austin, I know you're aware that I lost my best childhood friend a couple of weeks ago. Her birthday is coming up, and I'm sure 7/14 will be difficult for a lot of people. Mary always wore the brightest pink lipstick. At her funeral Mass, Leah, her niece, made all of us laugh and cry with memories and stories. But most importantly, Leah was wearing the brightest pink shirt I'm sure the world has ever seen. I'm sorry for your loss.
    Sharon Dwyer

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