How come you taste so good...yeah...
Last night I was seduced. It happened at about 5:30 in the little basement grocery store in Austin's neighborhood. I was mindlessly wandering the narrow aisles of the store, fumbling with my beer and waiting for Austin to choose her dinner, when I noticed that one of the pints of ice cream in the freezer was staring at me!
I turned to give it the "Hey buddy, I'm not interested in the cellulite and double chin you have to offer, so buzz off" look, when I realized it wasn't just any pint of ice cream. This guy was special. His name was Häagen-Dazs. Dressed in plain, clean white with a classic gold top, he was whispering something to me...
"5". Huh?
Yes, "5" he said. Five what?
"Five ingredients!" he said. Just what I've always wanted in an ice cream! I took another step closer, examining this foreign pint of goodness, considering how perfect and pure my seducer appeared. It wouldn't take much for him and his five ingredients to seal the deal with me. And it turns out he knew just the right way to do it.
All of the sudden, I was face to face with the foggy glass, checking out the flavor selection. Now I don't usually go for Häagen-Dazs, I try my best to remain loyal to my suga-daddies Ben and his pal Jerry. But before I knew it, H-D was offering me something Ben and Jerry never had.
Brown Sugar. 
WHAT?! That's the most bad-ass ice cream flavor ever! Within about ten seconds I was walking with my new lover on my arm to introduce him to Austin. She wasn't entirely impressed. Brown sugar isn't her type. "Whatevs," I thought, "This is the beginning of a long and happy relationship".
We got back to apartment and I figured I would spare Austin the discomfort of watching me get down with my dreamy friend, and the added suspense could only serve to make that first touch to my lips all the better. Even at home later, I waited until Erin went to bed before I got cozy with Häagen-Dazs. And then I did.
So how was it? I know you're dying for the dirty details. Unfortunately, I must report that my new pint wasn't all I had ever dreamed of and more. Like most, he fell just short.
In regards to the "just five ingredients", this Häagen-Dazs was more than satisfactory. The ice cream was creamy, but airy, just like American ice cream is made to be. It had a smooth and silky texture that's generally absent from other store-bought ice creams. It would be fantastic to see all ice cream available in this, its most simple and natural form; no need for all that chemical preservative junky crap (ahem, Ben...Jerry...)
It was the flavor that ruined it for me. It wasn't that Brown Sugar was bad, I think it's just that I was expecting a rich and almost salty brown sugar flavor. You know that sugariness inside a well-made chocolate chip cookie? Maybe it was brown sugar and butter flavor that I was anticipating. Instead this tasted like molasses ice cream, which...you know...ick. I only had a few spoonfulls, and fully intend to give it another whirl tonight when, perhaps, it will fall on a friendlier, less-discriminating palate. This also might taste nice next to a pie...maybe even a strawberry pie made from the 19 lbs of strawberries in my fridge...
Either way, the good news is that Häagen-Dazs five™ is available in six other flavors besides Brown Sugar: Milk Chocolate, Vanilla Bean, Passion Fruit, Coffee, Ginger and Mint. I can't wait to see which flavor beckons me on my next stroll down the ice cream aisle.
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